A Love I Still Carry

A Tribute to My Late Aunt and Other Loved Ones I’ve Lost

How beautiful it is to have loved someone so deeply that even when they are not on the same soil as you, the smallest things still remind you of them. 

Grief has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I’ve lost not only people but animals too from a young age. Over time, I’ve come to realize that grief is just a part of life, and it’s not something you can easily avoid. 

Grieving is a challenge you will face your whole life whether we acknowledge it or not. I’ve even found myself grieving people who are still alive. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? But it is a very real feeling. People come and go—some leave, some stay—but when they truly leave this earth, it’s an extremely heavy feeling.

My Aunt Joanne was one of the first people I lost that I was old enough to truly grieve for. And honestly, I’m still grieving her to this day. Grief will always linger. Letting those feelings out can feel overwhelming, like a weight on your heart. It’s a heavy feeling that lingers your whole life, but it is also an overwhelming feeling of love. 

I loved my aunt so much that she still touches my heart, even though she’s no longer with me. 

She played such a meaningful role in my life and in my family’s lives. She touched my heart in ways I never had anyone around me do before. The way she impacted others is something I will hold on to forever. The memories I have with her—especially from my childhood—are ones I will never forget.

Sometimes I catch myself staring, looking through photos, and it feels like it was just yesterday. Mentally, I’m back at my aunt and uncle’s house with my brother and cousins, where our only problem was not getting money for the corner store. You don’t realize how precious moments are until they are gone. As I’ve gotten older, I find myself missing the little moments and all the love that filled that house. May grief and nostalgia never leave me.

My great-grandfather, who I am grateful to still have in my life, often gives me physical photos almost every time I visit him. I cherish that. Sometimes he’ll say something along the lines of, “You better take them now, before I’m not here,” and I’ll respond, “Oh, stop it!” As much as I don’t want to hear that. That’s life. 

Time is precious, and we cannot take that for granted. 

Don’t wait around.

So today I encourage you to call up someone you love—a family member, a friend you might not have spoken to in a while. Life gets busy. Life gets tough. But what life doesn’t get is slower. 

Make time to visit your loved ones. Put your phone away. Laugh together. Cry together. Be present. 

I came across a quote from We the Urban on Instagram that said, “Grief is the love we no longer know where to place. It is proof that something mattered, that something touched you so deeply, it still lingers in its absence.”

That struck my heart. 

How lucky am I to have experienced such an enormous amount of love that I still carry in my chest long after someone is gone? The memories still linger. The love still remains. 

Love is something that comes so naturally to us as humans; losing someone does not. 

No matter how much time passes, those feelings don’t go away. But what’s really behind that pain is something so powerful: love. Without that love you experienced, grief wouldn’t exist.  

Some of my most fond memories revolve around that house—where my family gathered for holidays, where we laughed, and where we said our final goodbyes. I still pass by it sometimes. 

Last year, I found a video I didn’t even know existed. It was just a six-second clip of my aunt in the living room. I had no idea that short video would come to mean so much to me until I watched it and relived it. Just getting to hear her voice again was something so special to me. Moments like that are why I urge you to take videos and pictures. At some point they will be all you have, and they will mean more than you could ever imagine. 

There is something so strange about loss. It’s like we just don’t want to let go.

What is truly beautiful is the amount of love that was shared that we don’t have to let go of. We still carry the memories. We still reminisce. We still laugh about the ridiculous things she did. We still reference the funny things she used to say. 

We still hold a piece of them everywhere we go.